A letter Written to Me: from my Beautiful Soul.πŸ’™πŸ˜‡πŸ’•πŸ’•β€πŸ’œ

Dear Kidada Raheeda Kendrick, ( a letter written to you from your beautiful soul)

Yesterday was particular tough day for you. I don’t know what opened up the floodgates exactly but your tears and raw emotions spilled over uncontrollably. I was there looking out of our red, teary blood shot eyes. I understand you were overwhelmed with all that was going on. I am inside of you and I felt your dread, pain, desire, fear and sadness too. I want you to know it hurt me so much to feel your pain and not be able to help you.

Listen Kidada, I want you to know that you have the right to feel the way you do. It is not natural to have the pressure of raising two kids alone with limited support. It’s not natural for you to have to make all the choice, financial decisions, educational decisions, health decisions and more for three lives by yourself. I understand yesterday you had more things to do that required more money than you had. I understand that your son had his needs, your daughter had her recital and you had bills that needed to be paid as well. I understand how you felt bad yesterday as well. I felt how bad are body felt and how much pain you were in but you didn’t want to admit it to your kids so they wouldn’t worry…

I know you wanted to spend that money on food but you had to pay the rent that was behind, you had give your son money for lunch, your daughter had to get to her recital and the thought of her or you not going was eating you alive. I saw How you took that little bit of money and made it all happen. I want you know That your daughter was happy that she made it there on time { You did that} . She was so happy to see that you show up. Did you see her face light up ?? I did! She was so worried about you. I read her text. Did you read what I read? ” Mom you are the best mom” !! She meant that. Your son was happy he ate and was able to feed others too yesterday. You felt happy you were able to get a ride and cash your check, pay your rent and just be able to enjoy the sunshine. I this is not what you signed up for being a single parent. I know that you doubt your abilities as a mother. You are always wondering how you are doing as a parent. Please know that there is no rating scale for motherhood. You are there for them from sun up to sun down.

You break your neck to feed them, supply their needs, their wants, give them unconditional love, provide them a warm and cozy home all by yourself and with the help of your son. I know that eat you alive as well. Your son having to work so damn much since he was 16. It makes you cry in silence often and he doesn’t know it. I heard you say tell him to take off some days to be a kid. “Go party, go to wrestling practice”. “You will regret it when you get older” you said fighting back your tears But he said what he always says. “I know mom”.” I will go for you but someone else beside you need to support this family”!..

Kidada you truly have some amazing ass kids. He could be doing everything and anything but becoming a hard working man is what he is chasing. He is empathetic, kind, caring and smart. He is goal orientated and he tries had to be a good kid. Your daughter is chasing college. She is an impeccable person too. She is a great writer and has a bright future. She is reading instead of having sex and doing drugs. She is still a virgin at 14 and in this day in age that is an impressive feat! They are turning out okay despite of life’s harsh realities, daily struggles, limit support system and their personal struggles.

I AM SO SORRY that I heard you cry so hard. I felt the depths of your pain and so did he. He never left you alone. He listened to you and tried to be there for you and your pain and words ran him away. When a person is there for you please allow them to be there for you. You are so use to doing it alone that when someone is present in your life you don’t see it because you are not use to someone reaching out and being there for you. People do love you. He loves you and he tried to show you but you ran him away. Promise me that you will never do that again. Rise above your emotions and state your truth and pain in a intelligent manner.

I just wanted to tell You that you are an amazing mother.. not a perfect mother but an amazing and eccentric mom who is doing the best she can with what she has and that is all you can do. Your children recognize your struggle, your pain, your hard work and most importantly the love you have for them. Maxi Naysa loves you so much and so does Selah Craft. Please remember to take care for yourself. Without you I will die before I am able to manifest and walk in are destiny and your children will be lost and sad without you.

It’s OK to cry, break, scream, cuss and shout out to the Universe in dismay and anger but it is never okay to want to give up or give in. We all need you and I need you to know that I am the one lucky soul to be able to live your body that I call home

.. I love you so much Kidada Raheeda Kendrick
Love your Beautiful soul

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