You are a Queen.
My dear sweet Kidada, Please remember that you can’t be too sweet and keep allowing people to walk all over us. Sour the hell up! act like the warrior Queen that you are. You need to Know when to shake the soft shit off of you and unleash the hard version of yourself. Kidada; we are not meant to be everyone’s go-to, we are not the one to give the take, take, take.. while smiling sweetly. We are not the problem solver, advice giver,a bag of handouts for all the reachers and takers who never give back you with so much as a smile or thank you to you. That is not who we are. You give all the best parts of yourself away and no one stops to think that maybe your whole life is falling apart… but you keep giving and giving. When was the last time that anyone asked how you were doing Kidada and actually waited on an answer?
Kidada; I understand that you are a kind-hearted person but everyone doesn’t deserve your time, effort or love if they can’t reciprocate or match your same efforts or intensity. I know that you want to see the best in everyone but honestly, sweetie, if they show you that they are not good.. believe it for face value. Stop looking for the good in people when they clearly are not good human beings. Stop giving them reasons and excuse for their actions or inactions. Stop overlooking the red flags that are littering your mind and trying to catch your attention and warn you. Stop looking the monster dead into their eyes and hoping to see a Prince. Stop Kidada. I hate how much you invest your time, love and heart into people that are not willing to do the same to you or for you. Why are you still believing their words if time, and time again their actions do not match their words? They keep coming up short or giving you an excuse for their behavior? Why are you not listening to your gut feeling or your intuition? I try hard to send you signals. I know that you feel them and yet you still ignore them.
Are you afraid? Have you lost your confidence in yourself? Are concerned that you are getting older and you will grow old alone? Where did your self- esteem go? Do you think that you have the ability to change someone with your kindness, understanding, and love? I really hope that is not the reason. Look how long it took for you to reconnect to me and your authentic self. It has proven to be a daunting task for you, yet you think it will be an easy task to change another person that is not ready to change or see no reason to change. You have to learn when to get up from the table when love is not being served anymore. You deserve everything that you offer to others in return. I see how hard you go for others. I see that there is nothing you wouldn’t do for the person you love. I see that you are lacking something very crucial too. Do you know what that is? Let me tell you beloved. You are lacking boundaries. Where the hell are your boundaries Kidada? Without boundaries, people will take full advantage of you and run all over us. Without boundaries, people will have a lack of respect for you. Do you want that? Setting firm boundaries doesn’t make you a bad person. Instead, it keeps bad people from hurting or disrespecting you.
I hate how you know when a situation is not right yet you still stay there trying to work it out. How did that work for you in your previous relationships? If I can recall you stayed 4 years longer than you should have with your last relationship. You knew it wasn’t what you wanted but you stayed for the benefit of the kids and him. I remember how miserable you were. I remember how you looked for all the reason to stay instead of all the reasons to leave. I was finally proud of you when you put on your big girl panties and left. I know it was hard starting over with your two kids but I watched you do it for yourself and your kids. Stop wasting our time. I dwell with inside you so you are wasting my time too. I am missing out on our soul connection because you are chasing clowns. A clown will never be a king because that is not his make up. Stop friggin crowning clowns that can’t bear the weight of the crown.
You have a knack for falling in love with potential. You are not a dog catcher. Stop rescuing stray animals and bringing them home. It is not your job to train a man. That is the job of his mother. Just like you are raising your son to be a good man for his wife; their mother should have done the same. You can’t take a man off of the clearance rack in Goodwill and expect him to act expensive. It is what is and you need to accept it and walk away or stay there and not complain. You knew what they were from the jump. It was you thinking that your love would be enough to make them change into what you wished they were. You can’t play house anymore at this point in your life. We are not getting any younger. Stop taking on the loyal wife role to a man who has not earned it or who hasn’t given you his last name. Stop feeling like you have to be the pleaser in all arena’s while he sits back on the sidelines enjoying and reaping all the benefits just because.
It is clear to me that you love deep, long and hard but baby girl, everyone should not have the luxury to experience your type of love if they are not willing to reciprocate it in return. Leave them alone and let them go love the ordinary, not the extraordinary likes of you. You can’t give a person a champagne type of love if they are used to having a Kool-Aid type of love. Stop dumbing yourself down to meet them at the bottom. Make them climb the latter and meet you where you are. You are going to hate me for the next line I write but I don’t care!! Kidada Kendrick. You settle way too much for me. I believe that you see yourself as an underdog instead of the Queen that you are, and that’s what makes you select the men that you do. Instead of looking for a King in kingly places you are actively searching for all the animal shelters to rescue the dogs that are about to be put down. You are not here to save a man, make a man or teach a man how to be your man. He is supposed to be a real man before you meet him.
I know this is a touchy subject for you but you need to be honest with yourself. You want to believe that you have good taste in men but Girlie you do not! Let me brutely honest with you. Your taste is horrible. I just don’t understand how such beautiful women as yourself with a dope ass soul ends up with all the underdogs. Stop looking at the external part of men and pay more attention to the internal parts of them. Search their souls. Find their truth, learn their beliefs and see if our souls align as one. Stop taking everyone for face value. People have a knack for showing you what they think you want to see or they show you what they want you to see in them. Pay attention to how a man treats you it will reveal how he truly feels about you. If their word doesn’t match their actions get the hell out of there before it is too late. Don’t stick around hoping against hope that one day they will see the value and worth in you. If you can’t see your worth or value then neither can they.
I understand that the male figures in your life were a poor example in the love department for you. I know that you are used to abuse feeling like love but that is far from love its dysfunctional and learned behavior that you must let go of. No man should treat you like your father and you are okay with it because it is your normal. Make it abnormal. Train your mind to see love in a different light. It’s time to dig deep and search deep within for what it is that is good for you. Go where you are celebrated and not where you are tolerated, my beautiful queen. Stop searching for Kings in the circus. All you will come out with is a clown. I know this hard for you. Miss. “I believe there is some good in every soul. No pretty lady; every soul is not good and every soul is not worthy to breathe the same air that you breathe. I love you so much Kidada. Don’t be mad at me for exposing your truth. Face the truth head on and make a change before it is too late!
I love you; your beautiful soul.